We Are To Young To Be Going Through This

Nick was sitting in his car next to us, waiting for me to get out, I smiled tightly at Marie and I got straight into the passenger side of his car.

“Anna.” Nick said, like he snapped back to consciousness.  I just looked at him raising my eyebrows, my way of asking for an explanation.

“What’s going on Nick?” I asked him, playing with my fingers, looking down to my lap.

“I have breakfast with Millie once or twice a week.” He said looking at the side of my head.

“Why? Why would you go to breakfast with you ex and not tell me? Do you remember that, she spread so many rumours about ME when we first got together?” I asked, anger swelling up into my 

throat towards the end of my question.

“I…it’s a long story.” He said his eyes straightening to look out the windscreen.

I huffed to show my impatience, “Well are you going to tell me? Or should I just go to class?”

“Anna…we go to breakfast, she has been having a bit of a hard time lately.” Nick said scratching the back of his neck, I have noticed he does that when his nervous.

“Hard time?”  I asked, wanting more of an explanation.

“It’s not really for me to tell you.” He said.

I huffed a few times, trying to let my anger simmer before speaking again, “Ok, why do you think its ok to tell go to breakfast with an EX? AND HOLD HANDS WITH HER?” I half yelled, half whimpered tears sprung to my eyes.

He breathed out, “Hey, please don’t cry…There is nothing going on with Millie and I, I promise you that. She is having a shitty time with at home, she was huge part of my life for a long time Anna, and I couldn’t just not help her.” His tone was apologetic, but he was speaking a lot but actually not saying much.

“You are dancing around something Nick. You aren’t telling me ANYTHING.” I said, keeping my voice mostly calm and getting my teary eyes in check.

He didn’t speak for a long time, we sat in silence, I felt that whatever he was about to tell me was big. He grabbed the steering wheel, his knuckles went white. “Anna, if I tell you...I don’t know how you are going to react.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” I said, trying to take some deep breaths.

“Anna…Millie, and I. When Millie and I broke up, well when she broke up with me…she just…she was pregnant.” He said, his eyes boring into mine.

My mouth fell open, “She’s going to have a baby? Your baby?” I asked, tears filling my eyes again almost immediately. I know how much Nick wanted to get out of here out of this town, and with a baby it just wouldn’t be possible.

He took a deep breath, “No, she…she took care….she got an abortion in Melbourne. I told her she had my support, I would have helped, but she was certain she didn’t want to keep it. But lately she has been having a bit of a hard time with it.” His eyes were on me, watching me process this information.

“How do you feel about it?” I asked, turning to face him.

“I don’t know…It is for the best, there’s no doubt in my mind about that, but it’s not easy Anna.” He said looking down.

“I…I don’t know what to stay.” I said shocked that I had been so in the dark about something so important.

“I just felt like I couldn’t tell you, not because I don’t trust you but because we are just working our shit out, it’s a lot to drop on someone you recently dating.” He said his body still facing me.

“It’s me Nick, you can tell me…anything.”  I said sincerely, but my face still must have been void of colour, because Nick didn’t look so sure.

“Anna, are you freaking out?” He asked, his knuckles still white, squeezing his fists closed.

“No. I’m not. I just don’t know…I just…I feel…” I said just letting the words trail off, it had nothing really to do with me, but I was having selfish thoughts that immediately made me feel guilty. Like what if she hadn’t had an abortion, would Nick be with Millie? Why didn’t he tell me earlier? What would he and Millie be like now if she was pregnant?

“You are thinking hard, I can tell. What are you thinking about?” He asked me.

“Nick this isn’t about me, this has nothing to do with me. I don’t get to have an opinion on this. It’s just a bit of a shock.” I said trying to keep my voice calm.

“Anna…you can have an opinion of course you can, that is why I told you.” He said seemingly trying to keep up with my train of thought. We sat in silence for about 30 seconds, I was first to break it.

“I think I am going to go to class.” I said my hand on the door ready to make a speedy exit.

“Anna…can we talk after school?” He said his eyes wide with confusion. I nodded in response and quickly walked into the school.