*Sorry this is up late! Tomorrows post is scheduled for 10am Sydney time! :)
Once mum slipped into sleep it took her 7 hours and 43
minutes to stop breathing. We all
remained I the same positions somewhat, I laid by her side, while my dad has a
tight grip on her hands, I think he was hoping it would be enough to keep her
with us.
I knew it was coming, I had a strange feeling wash over me
like something had just left her body. I looked up at her face and small smile
was playing on her lips, the scarf was that covered her short hair stayed
perfectly on her head and her despite her being pale for weeks a small blush
filled her cheeks. I just knew it was coming. Seconds later I felt her stop
breathing.
“She’s gone.” I said my voice impossibly calm. My head was
still resting on her chest. Then suddenly everything went black. My dad’s
screaming a sound of pure panic was vaguely in the background, as were my
brother’s sobs. I was vaguely aware of the nursing staff running into the room
to see what the screams were. They rushed to my dad’s side helping him off the
ground where he must have fallen but not before looking at my mum with
sympathy, they knew to.
I just snuggled further into her
chest, to take the last bit of comfort my mother could give me.
I vaguely remember my brother trying to detangle me from my mum,
but not before this horrible yelping sound filled my ears, it took me seconds
to realise the noise was coming from me.
The nurse was again at my side, “Anna, we don’t want to rush
you, but we need to clean your mum up ok? You need to let us do this.” I looked
up at my mum before planting a kiss on her cheek and with Ed’s helping finally
leaving her side.
I walked out to the corridor, Ed gently tugging me towards
the exit. “Anna, dad has been taken to the Emergency Department. He needed some
things to help him calm down, he is ok.”
“What?” I asked pure panic cursing through me.
“Dad is ok, but he was having some trouble calming down. The
doctors have given him something, when he wakes up he will be better.” Ed
explained to me. I was going to say I don’t think he’d ever be better but I
couldn’t find the energy.
We walked in silence down to the Emergency Room. George and
James were waiting for us in the waiting room looking terrible. Lillian and
John were there waiting for him.
“Where is he?” I squeaked.
Ed walked me to the desk and explained to the nurse who we
were and we were let through.
Dad was sleeping in the bed, I took in his appearance
something I guess I hadn’t done for a while.
He’d lost weight and his face
looked drawn.
“Dad. Wake up.” I said gently nudging him. He didn’t stir.
“Ah little lady, you probably don’t want to do that.” A
doctor walking by said.
I ignored him, “Dad wake up. We have to go.”
“Ah miss. We’ve given him midazolam, he will sleep for a
couple of hours yet.”
“DAD.” I screamed, it echoed through the whole department.
Dad barely stirred. Ed gently placed his hands on my shoulders.
“Miss I don’t think you understand…” He said putting his
hand on my shoulder.
“DON’T you dare touch me.” I said, my voice so fierce I
didn’t recognise it.
I stormed out of the department, I heard Ed offering
apologises on my behalf before jogging to keep up with me.
I went out to the waiting room, my family all staring up at
me. I’m not sure if they were waiting for me to have a break down or offer some
inspiring speech to keep us going.
“We need food, I need to make food. Dad is lying in bed
looking all skinny. I need to make food. Someone needs to call grandma and
grandpa, they should be here. I…we need to call the funeral people so they can
pick her up and you know mum has a lot of request she wants us to honour…she
gave me the folder...” I said. Ed was eyeing my carefully, but I think they
appreciated the fact I was giving us something to focus on.
“Well first things first…Anna, we have pasta at home, would
you like me to make that?” Lillian looked at me, tears pooling in her eyes.
I looked up at her, my eyes filling too, “Yes. I think that
we need that.”
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