Crippling Awkwarness

Since my confession things are slowly getting back to normal. Nick and I were beginning to hang out with any crippling awkwardness, always a good thing in a friendship. None of us said it but this school camping trip was a way of getting the group back to normal.

Its shame we all hate camping.

“What’s one thing you don’t think you could ever live without?” I asked Marie, Will and Nick as we were all lying out watching the stars, waiting to be told off by the teachers to go to bed.

“...unconditional love.” Marie replied thoughtfully.

“Honesty.” Will said which left a lot more questions than answers for the group.

“That’s a hard one...I want a lot of things...experiences and people to share them with I guess, so that when I’m old and grey we at least have something to remember.”  Nick replied, it was getting easier to control my heartbeat when he talked knowing that he wasn’t head of heels in love with me but that response sent shivers done my spine.

“What about you Anna Banana?” Will asked.

“Is it a cop out to say all three?” I laughed.

“Totally, but we love you anyway.” Marie said.

“I hate camping. Why the fuck did we come on this trip?” Will asked.

Our school has over 1500 students, all from surrounding towns and districts, through sheer force of will Marie and Will made sure we were in the same camping group.

“That’s not a bad question.” I said rugging up in Nick’s jacket to stop freezing my ass off.

“At New Year didn’t we say we were going to get in the school spirit a little more?” Nick said.

“Did you see how drunk we got at New Year?” Marie laughed.

“I also said I’d start training for that fun run. We were dreaming big things for this year.” Will 

muttered, we all chuckled in agreement.

“Well I for one have a good feeling about this year, good things are going to happen to all of us, after the shitty year I had last year I refuse to believe anything less than amazing things are going to happen.” I said, the other three watched me carefully, Marie automatically grabbed my hand.

You may have been wondering about the absence of my mother in this story, well unfortunately I started writing this story a little too late, she died last year. It was a brain aneurism, fortunately for her it was quick but no less painful for the rest of her surviving family. It was the worst experience of my life and my family all handled things differently. Ed moved to Melbourne the week after she passed and refused to come home for months, George and my dad buried themselves into work and I rarely saw them, James was in charge of me and trust me when I say I was no walk in the park. 

I refused to eat anything more than sultanas for a good month and half, my brother had to physically drag me to hospital for treatment when my dad didn’t have a clue what to do my brother stood up and took responsibility for me. I was there for two months recovering not only physically but emotionally as well. I never blame my dad, but I suspect my brother still isn’t quiet over it.  James not only lost his mum, but at 21 years old he had to drag me to hospital without the support of anyone else. Finally Ed came home and he never left my side, he refused to go home, I think he felt some responsibility for leaving, of course it was not his fault and I tried to tell him 100 times but he wouldn’t hear it. Nick and Will were also at the hospital every day, even when I would yell and scream at them to leave they would just sit there and keep reading or doing their assignments. We all used to be significantly more popular, but after my break down people who I thought were my friends started avoiding me.

“I think so to Anna.” Nick said giving me a sympathetic smile. Nick knew my mum as well as anyone, our mums were good friends and when Nick and I were young our mums spent a lot of time together while our fathers were busy on their farms. My mum was a fantastic woman, she was kind and brave and willing to do anything to help anyone. She wasn’t afraid of hard work, she was always fiercely independent and she was always there to tuck my brothers and I in at night. Basically my mother was my version of superwoman. 

“Oiii! Boys and girls OUT OF EACHOTHERS TENTS NOWWW.” Yelled Mr. Klutz, he was always such a joy.